A little confusion

Well, my mind always tries to look for an opportunity. A survival mode is always there everytime I wake up in the morning. Am I supposed to do this or that? Am I go for the wrong way? How life should be in the future? How I want to build something new?

Here I am back to the ocean, swinging my boat every night and day. The definition of success is not about career, life, or anything. Sometime I felt left behind, sometime I have no strength to wake up in the morning. Sometime I thought I don't have any choice to choose. What is my priority?

Cloudy mind, am I going to be mature or am I stuck here? I wanna grow up, I wanna life as much as I can. I want to have hope again, that God is always here with me. A vision, a good start, a wise choose, as long I desire to hold what my part is.